June 13, 2025 The One Where I'm a Hippopotamus

“I look like a hippopotamus.”

“You do not know look like a hippopotamus!” He laughed.

He caught me sitting down in the vintage green chair in our bedroom after I’d tried on a pretty crop top that I’d grabbed on my way to check out at the store yesterday. I’d tried it on with multiple pairs of high rise shorts and pants trying to get it to work because the color is the perfect shade of red for me and it’s 100% linen making it perfect for summer.

“Yes I do! I have a little head, a big belly, and a flat butt.”

“You do not!”

“And I have a big mouth that I swallow people whole with.”

“You do not look like a hippopotamus.” He laughed.

But it was that laugh, you know, when someone is trying to be nice and deny your point, but you’ve just painted a picture so clearly for them they can’t not see it now. It was that kind of laugh. I’m not offended. I’m the one who painted the picture, and I stand by it.

But I’m also not sure if he was laughing because he realized, “Oh my goodness she kind of does look like a hippopotamus.” Or because he knows (from personal experience) if someone bothers me too much or pushes me too far, I will open my mouth and swallow them whole so to speak or that secretly (but not so secretly) he agreed with both

In my husband’s defense, he tells me I’m beautiful almost every day, and I tell him he’s a liar.

We women. We’re brutal to ourselves and to our husbands. Bless us and bless them. And bless the hippopotamuses.


June 12, 2025 The One Where I Shop for Clothes

There’s nothing like shopping for clothes that makes me realize that at almost 40 years old, I still don’t know who I am or what I like. Today I went into a store looking for a cute calendar and found myself trying on shoes and shuffling through clothes racks instead.

After trying on a few items, I spent way too long walking around the store dodging the same lady who always seemed to be going the opposite direction of me down the very narrow aisles as I debated on whether I should keep them or put them back.

“Are these clothes really me or do I just think they’re pretty because I see pretty people wearing similar items on Instagram?” I kept asking myself as I’d stop to hold up the items for the fiftieth time only to see that dadgum lady coming at me again. How was I supposed to answer that question when this woman wouldn’t let me stop long enough to think?

This decision paralysis when buying clothes isn’t a new thing for me. I have to remind myself that buying clothes is not like having a kid. One you can take back, the other you can’t. But the way my mind works, you’d think they were the same, and I either walk out of the store with nothing or I walk out with everything.

My diversion from my original quest to find a calendar wasn’t exactly random or a whim. I decided recently that I wanted to revamp my wardrobe and find my style, and since I was already in the store, it only made since to look around. My clothes are very basic and boring, and that annoys me. I don’t like basic and boring. Our modern world is basic and boring, and I hate it. All of our houses look the same. All of our buildings are ugly. And all of our clothes are bland, basic, and boring.

There’s a very popular brand that shall remain unnamed and whenever I see their clothes I always think that if the government had to dress us, this brand is exactly how I picture they would do it: solid, dull colors, boxy and shapeless. And honestly, that could be said of most brands. Beautiful things feel like a relic of the past that in our world of fast fashion we don’t have time or money for.

Well, I’m over it. Someday, I’ll tell you about my grandmother who wore whatever she wanted and didn’t worry about what other people thought. Let’s just say she wasn’t known for her subtlety, and I think she was happier for it. I want to be like her. I want to wear bold, beautiful, and fun clothes. Clothes that make me feel a certain way.

And there it is. As I spent way too long this afternoon thinking through my first world clothing dilemma, I found at least part of the answer in that word “feel.”

Clothes make us feel a certain way. It’s why we change our outfits so many times when deciding what to wear. I realized the question I needed to ask myself wasn’t “Is this me?” But “Does this make me feel the way I want to feel?” I feel that it’s an easier question to answer than whether something is me or not.

And whether we like it or not, clothes make people feel a certain way about us, to perceive or treat us in certain ways. It may or may not be fair but it is what it is so do these clothes give people the perception I want them to have about me, my vibe so to speak?

And finally, I had an epiphany when it came to “my style” as I moved around our little apartment. For me, it’s easier to dress my home than it is to dress myself. I’ve never been married to one particular style or genre. For me the joy and beauty is in combining and mixing things up. “Why can’t it be that way with my clothes?” I thought. I don’t have to commit to a style. I can just have fun, and that’s exactly what I plan to do. Now, if that lady can just find another store to shop at, that’d be great.


June 10, 2025 The One Where I "Relax"

“I hope you can relax today.” He said as he kissed me goodbye

“I plan to.” I replied and meant it.

And I did relax — at least while I ate my yogurt bowl and drank my coffee.

But sometimes little duties are like little children. They clamor at you until you can no longer ignore them.

The dog food I started yesterday needed to be finished and mixed. The yogurt I started yesterday needed to be strained. Fruit needed to be juiced so that we have fridge space. Coffee needed to be ground. Food needed to be prepped for lunches and dinners. My starter needed to be fed. Laundry needed to be finished. Dishes needed to be done. And let’s not forget the dogs. They must have their long walk. So I got up and got busy.

After completing most of those things, I sat down to take a break and talk myself into writing when a message from Brandon, our UPS guy, popped up on my phone. I hope you have a UPS guy like Brandon.

Sometimes when we have a lot of packages come in for the business or he can’t put them in the locker system because it’s broken or there’s no room, he lets us know so that we can go get them so they don’t get stolen. Most people are decent here at the apartments and only take their own, but every once in awhile, someone decides to be a loser and grab what isn’t theirs.You never get it back and they never get caught even though there’s video because like most of the people currently rioting in LA, they make sure you can’t see their face.

I got up from my two second break to pick up and deliver the packages to the garage, a little relieved to get out of writing a little bit longer.

I love writing, and I want to be a writer, but sitting down to write is one of the hardest things for me to do. Isn’t it funny how we humans will put off becoming or doing the very thing we want to become or do?

Anyways, talk later. Gotta go finish the laundry.


My First Bread Pilgrimage

I’ve wanted to visit this local bakery in our town ever since it opened three years ago. Per my MO, since it wasn’t on my way to anything and I couldn’t get anything but bread there and I don’t like to leave the house, I put it off — for three years.

Well, this past weekend, I decided it was time to go. My motivation for going out of my way was three-fold: we had an event to go to and I wouldn’t have time to make my own bread, I didn’t feel like making bread, and I wanted to see what bread from a real, professional, artisan bakery was like.

I’ve been making sourdough bread for just slightly longer than this bakery has been open and to be honest, I have no idea if I’m doing it “right,” if there is, in fact, a “right” way to do it. The longer I bake and the more books I read, the less convinced I am that there is any “right way.”

When I first started making sourdough bread, it wasn’t something I wanted to do at all. I was kind of mad about it actually. Like I needed one more thing to do. I felt forced to learn because I wanted affordable, healthy bread, and well, it seems those two terms are incompatible with each other in today’s world. So, I decided to learn.

Fast forward and I guess you could say it’s turned into a sort of obsession. If you were to visit our apartment, there’s a good chance you’d find me sitting on the sofa or laying in bed bread book in hand. So many of the authors of these books go on these amazing bread pilgrimages across Europe and the rest of the world, and I find myself wanting to go on my own pilgrimages to taste and see what bread from across the world is like and how different cultures make and bake it. Well, might as well start close to home, right? it was time to make my first bread pilgrimage, fifteen minutes down the road to the local bakery.

It was a Friday so I knew I needed to hit it during the morning before it got too busy with people kicking off their weekend early. I didn’t just want to buy some bread, I wanted to take a look around and observe what a real bakery is like. But apparently, people don’t work anymore in this town. They just go hang out at the local coffee shops, hip local grocery stores, and apparently, the local bakery. It was 9:30 and busier than a school of fish.

I stepped over to the side of the small entry to read the menu board as people swirled around me. I spotted what I wanted to ask for, the traditional country loaf, and turned toward the counter where a beautiful wood and glass case held an assortment of beautiful pastries. I already knew what I wanted from that too thanks to the bakery’s advertising on Instagram, but that didn’t keep me from being overwhelmed and awed at the incredible selection on display. It was like looking at a case of jewels at a jewelry counter, only better.

My overwhelm over the people and pastries must have shown.

“There’s a lot to take in.”

I looked up to see a guy with glasses and a name tag that said Julian.

“There sure is.” I said and looked back down to assess the situation and make sure I didn’t need to change my mind about the choice I’d made before entering the small shop.

He gave me the run down of the items in the case and I gave him my order, the one I’d planned on ahead of time.

“Is this your first time in?”

“Yeah it is.”

“How’d you hear about us?”

“I see you guys on Instagram all the time and wanted to come check it out”

He proceeded to tell me about one customer that comes in every week to get a ham and butter sandwich on a baguette. If you’re bread obsessed than you know that this is something you’d find in a French bakery, or boulangerie, as they’re called over there.

“We love being able to be a part of someone’s routine every week. We hope you’ll come back in.”

He didn’t need to convince me. I’d already heard about and spotted the baguette sandwiches and planned to come back for a second pilgrimage.

I took a quick glance at the hustle and bustle going on in the back of the bakery while the clerk punched my order into the iPad. I wanted to stand there and watch like a kid at an aquarium. Instead, the cashier swung the iPad around, and I tapped my card, asked for a receipt (since no-one likes to give you one anymore), took my brown bag of bread, and left.

Back out on the sidewalk, I felt slightly bummed. Although I’d procured the goods I came for, I didn’t procure the experience. I hadn’t expected so many people or choices, and per another one of my MO’s, I ducked and ran. Too many people.

It’s alright though. I’m already planning a second pilgrimage for the ham and butter baguette and probably a coffee from the fancy coffee machine I spotted to the right of the checkout. Also, there’s a lot of pastries I’m going to need to work my way through, which means more pilgrimages.

I know what to expect now, a buzzing little bakery with lots of people swarming around like schools of fish, busy bakers to watch, and lots of pastries to try.

Oh, and maybe being greeted and served by the owner, whose name happens to be Julian.

Don’t you worry, Julian. Even in the midst of my overwhelm and rush, I managed to scope out the perfect seat in the corner by the window to sit back and watch. I’ll be back, and. who knows, maybe your charming, busy little bakery will become a part of my weekly routine.